2012
11.28

Dave submitted a funny joke about “irons and woods”:
When Tiger gives a pretty girl a golf lesson, he starts out with the irons, and ends up in the woods!

Jamie sent the following joke about advertisements:
Tiger Woods gets first major endorsement in years! Trojan condoms and escort services! Just Do it wasn’t enough?

Hayden sent the following about advice Tiger received from his dad:
When Tiger Woods got married, his father gave him a piece of simple advice. “Son, now that you’re married, you’re going to have to stay faithful to your wife. This means only listening to her, and doing what she says, and don’t listen to any other girls – f**k them”

Tyler sent this joke about a typical Tiger day:
Tiger Woods wakes up in the morning, eats breakfast, brushes his teeth, and takes a shower. After that he goes out and plays nine holes. Then he comes back and eats lunch before he plays another nine holes. Then he comes home, takes another shower, and eats dinner. Then he goes and plays golf.

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2010
04.12

Chris Rock was on David Letterman the other night and among other funny things said, Letterman asked Chris about Tiger Woods. I recommend you watch the whole thing, but if you want to skip straight to the Tiger part it’s about 3:20 in.

The crowd bursts into laughter when Chris Rock says that “Tiger’s gonna win the Master’s and then rape Phil Mickelson.” Whoa!

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2010
04.10

Thanks to the following peeps for sending in these Tiger Woods jokes:

Likkleblakkat (what’s up with the name??) had this catchy play on words joke:
I heard that tiger has joined the Mistress Protection Programme

“Lion” has another play on words joke:
A lion would not cheat, but a tiger wood.

Ozzy didn’t really submit a joke so much as a statement:
 Tiger Woods has a new sponsor. Durex.

Patty submitted a funny joke about Tiger and his new endorsement deals:
Tiger Woods may have lost a number of endorsements, but in a press release this morning a retail giant announced that it has signed him to a new multi-million dollar deal.  As part of the deal, the company’s stores will be re-branded to reflect the new partnership.  As of May 1, they will be known as “Tiger Woods’ Dick’s Sporting Goods.”

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2010
04.09

I forget which Parks & Recreation episode this was, but Aziz Ansari’s character, Tom Haverford, had a funny Tiger Woods joke…

I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a champion. But after that sex scandal, the man is a god!

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2010
04.09

The Tiger Woods Masters’ Jokes

Did you hear about the prankster at The Masters? Apparently this person hired a plane to fly messages over the sky at The Masters. These two specific ones were called out:

Tiger: Did you mean Bootyism?

and the second one…

Sex addict? Ya right. Sure. Me too!

Here’s a picture of the first one:

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2010
04.08

Johnny vs Teacher Joke

Thanks to IRONTHOR1202 for this Tiger Woods joke…good stuff! Enjoy:

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

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2010
04.07

Thanks to the following users for submitting jokes about Tiger:

Jeremy went to a game store looking for Grand Theft Auto:
I just went to jb hifi looking for the game Grand Theft Auto, the lady asked me to describe it to her, i said its about a “dark” guy driving around with an iron bar, crashing cars, rooting whores and evading the police… she gaves me Tiger Woods 2010.

The Dice Man makes a “guest” appearance:
Eeney Meany Miney Moe! Tiger got caught f*cking a bunch of hoes!…..Ohhh!

April sent this confusing joke in:
I married a Tiger. ”I came, I saw, I kicked his ass.” New spin on Bill Murray.

John thinks Tiger should take on new sponsorships:
Tiger is taking on new sponsorships that fit into his image…..”Big Daddy Bush-Whacker.”

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2010
04.06

Thanks to the following people for sending in the following Tiger Woods jokes:

Spencer rented a movie about Tiger:
I rented a movie about Tiger Woods called “My Favorite 18 Holes.” It turns out it’s actualy about golf.

Tim knows why Tiger agreed to play the Master’s:
Tiger Woods agreed to play the Master’s after negotiating the “cheerleaders on every fairway” clause.

Chuck says Tiger will play the same hole when he returns:
In light of his recent stint in sex addiction rehab, when Tiger returns he will only pay the same hole over and over.

R tells the joke of a caddy finding Tiger’s golf ball:
A caddy found a golf ball at the end of the fairway that he claimed belonged to Tiger Woods because it had a picture of his mistress on it. When questioned about it, Tiger looked at the ball with the picture and replied, “Yeah, I hit that.”

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2010
03.12

Thanks to Mr. V for sending the below joke to us. Also, people…please stop sending in the Tiger Woods and Santa Claus joke…We’ve ALL heard it!!! On to Mr. V’s joke:

Tiger Woods is returning to the links, he’ll play at The Masters.

I can just see it now: every time he tees off the gallery will shout out an update on that traditional golf warning: “Whore…”

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2010
03.12

Tiger Woods / James Blunt Parody

Thanks to Todd Chappelle for sending us this parody video/song he made about Tiger Woods. It’s to the tune of a James Blunt song, but can you guess which one? Funny stuff!

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2010
03.12

The following joke about Tiger Woods and his sponsors was submitted by Doug M.:

Gatorade® recently terminated it’s Sponsorship Agreement with Tiger Woods along with dropping the slogan, “Is it in you?™” Nike® will keep Tiger as a spokesman and continue with the motto, “Just do it.™”

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2010
02.26

The Pope and Tiger Woods Joke

Thanks to Jack L. for sending this joke to us!

The Pope and Tiger Woods

The Pope and Tiger Woods died on the same day and because of an administrative mix up the Pope went to hell and Tiger Woods went to heaven. The Pope explains the situation to the administrative clerk in hell, and after checking the paperwork admits that there is an error.

“However”, the clerk explains, “it would be 24 hours before it can be rectified”. The next day the Pope is called and Hell’s staff bids him farewell. On the way up, the Pope meets Tiger Woods coming down from heaven and they stop to have a chat.

“Sorry about the mix up”, apologizes the Pope.

“No problem” replied Tiger Woods.

Pope: “I am really anxious to get to heaven.”

Tiger: “Why is that?”

Pope: “All my life I have wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.”

Tiger: “You’re a day late.”

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2010
02.25

How does Tiger keep track of what hole he is playing?

By the tattoo on her back.

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2010
02.24

Tiger Woods White Chicks Joke

The Wayans  brothers want to cast Tiger woods in their next movie but they can’t decide if the title should be White Chicks 11 or 12 ?

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2010
02.23

The infamous funny animation from some Chinese TV Station, which according to Tiger, is totally inaccurate. But here it is anyway…the animations are good for a few laughs!

Tiger Woods Car Crash – The CPU Animation

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2010
02.23

Here is another round of user-submitted jokes about Tiger Woods. I left some of the redundant ones out. Thanks everyone, keep ‘em coming. Though not too many people thought Round 1 was very funny, so y’all are gonna have to step it up and submit some better stuff!

Mark U. watched the press conference:
After his press conference admitting his indescretions, Tiger Woods began apologizing to the women with whom he had affairs. Twelve hours later they say he has barely scratched the surface…

Bianca brings an old joke up to date with emphasis on the “now”:
What animal is Tiger Woods now? A cheetah! <3

Shanah got the wrong movie:
I bought a movie the other day called, “Tiger Woods 16 holes” and was pretty dissapointed when I found out it was about golf!

Matthew with a little play on words:
A lion would’nt cheat on his wife but a tiger wood.

Kyle is bringing sexy back:
Why does Tiger get a hole in one everytime? cause the other 17 are beneath him…

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2010
02.19

Below are some recent user-submitted jokes about Tiger. If you have a funny Tiger Woods joke, you can submit one here.

This first one is from Jessica -

Where do all of Tiger Woods’ girlfriends live?
They live in Idaho, because each one says, “Hi.  Idaho of the day.”

These next ones are from “emisax” -

  1. What is Tiger Woods’ favorite restuarant? The “Deck Down Under!”
  2. What is the new meaning of Golf for Tiger Woods? To have sex with every other woman besides his wife!
  3. Why is Tiger Woods good at golf and other sports? Because he never misses a shot!
  4. What is Tiger Woods favorite pick-up line? I get a hole in 1 every time baby!
  5. What is Tiger Woods favorite shape? a triangle (thinnk about it!!)

Thanks for submitting jokes. Keep ‘em coming! If you know a good joke that don’t forget to submit one!

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2010
02.07

Here’s another David Letterman top ten video about Tiger Woods. This time it’s the top ten Tiger Woods Text Messages, and it’s pretty funny IMO. They didn’t get the Tom Hanks cameo for How Tiger Woods Can Improve His Image, but it’s still pretty darn funny. Enjoy, the video and list are below:

Video: Top Ten Tiger Woods Text Messages by David Letterman

Top Ten Tiger Woods Text Messages

10. I’m sorry, which mistress is this again?
9. I was dreaming about you when I was passed outi n the street.
8. RU a cop?
7. You’re breaking up with me for Lee Trevino?
6. Sorry about last night–I had the yips.
5. Did I leave a green jacket at your place?
4. My wife has the car. I’ll have to pick you up in the golf cart.
3. Why aren’t the LPGA girls interested?
2. Hey Tiger…it’s Tiger…Wanna have sex tonight?
1. Thanks for changing your grip.
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2010
01.23

Gotta love Letterman. Though if this were done today, for #1 I’d replace “Letterman” with “Leno” ;)  Go Team COCO!!

Video: Top Ten Ways Tiger Woods Can Improve His Image by David Letterman

David Letterman’s Top Ten Ways Tiger Woods Can Improve His Image

10. Crash a state dinner at the White House.
9. Change name from “Tiger” to more adorable “Puppy”
8. Fix this whole health care mess.
7. Put on a scarf and a hat and sing Christmas carols with Regis.
6. Instead of sweatshops in Asia, have Nike merchandise made in a sweatship right here in the U.S.A.
5. Retire, then come back and play for the Vikings.
4. Safely land golf cart in the Hudson River.
3. Release list of women he did not have sex with.
2. Find Bin Laden.
1. Blame Letterman.
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2010
01.23

Obviously it’s not Christmas anymore, but here’s a funny Christmas song parody of Tiger Woods.

Tiger Woods Christmas Song Lyrics:

He’s the most unfaithful guy of the year
He’s had many transgressions
But he’s not confessin’
To what we should hear
He’s the most unfaithful guy of the year

He’s the hor-horniest golfer of all
Saying, babe, take your presence
Off of your phone message
In case my wife calls
He’s the hor-horniest golfer of all

Well, there’s Jaimee, the waitress
Kalika in Vegas
And Rachel, but she says, not true
If I were his missus
And I was real pissed
I would total my Cadillac, too

He’s the most unfaithful guy of the year
And upholding his fame
Is the name of the game
When a hoochie is near
He’s the most unfaithful guy of the year

Real soon, Elin will dump him
Then, her lawyers will trump him
Like Furyk did in Chicago
There’ll be gossipy stories
Regarding some whore he
Stuck his five-iron in, long, long ago

He’s the most unfaithful guy of the year
Bottom dollar, I’m bettin’
That Tiger is frettin’
About his career
He’s the most unfaithful guy… Yes, the most unfaithful guy…
Oh, the most unfaithful guy… of the year!

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