Tiger Woods Jokes

Chris Rock’s Tiger Woods Joke on David Letterman

pfunk — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:54:39 +0000

Chris Rock was on David Letterman the other night and among other funny things said, Letterman asked Chris about Tiger Woods. I recommend you watch the whole thing, but if you want to skip straight to the Tiger part it’s about 3:20 in.

The crowd bursts into laughter when Chris Rock says that “Tiger’s gonna win the Master’s and then rape Phil Mickelson.” Whoa!

User-submitted Tiger Woods Jokes Round 5

pfunk — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:44:25 +0000

Thanks to the following peeps for sending in these Tiger Woods jokes:

Likkleblakkat (what’s up with the name??) had this catchy play on words joke:
I heard that tiger has joined the Mistress Protection Programme

“Lion” has another play on words joke:
A lion would not cheat, but a tiger wood.

Ozzy didn’t really submit a joke so much as a statement:
Tiger Woods has a new sponsor. Durex.

Patty submitted a funny joke about Tiger and his new endorsement deals:
Tiger Woods may have lost a number of endorsements, but in a press release this morning a retail giant announced that it has signed him to a new multi-million dollar deal. As part of the deal, the company’s stores will be re-branded to reflect the new partnership. As of May 1, they will be known as “Tiger Woods’ Dick’s Sporting Goods.”

Tiger Woods Joke From Parks & Recreation

pfunk — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 16:59:21 +0000

I forget which Parks & Recreation episode this was, but Aziz Ansari’s character, Tom Haverford, had a funny Tiger Woods joke…

I used to love Tiger Woods because he was a champion. But after that sex scandal, the man is a god!

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The Tiger Woods Masters’ Jokes

pfunk — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 08:29:47 +0000

Did you hear about the prankster at The Masters? Apparently this person hired a plane to fly messages over the sky at The Masters. These two specific ones were called out:

Tiger: Did you mean Bootyism?

and the second one…

Sex addict? Ya right. Sure. Me too!

Here’s a picture of the first one:

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Johnny vs Teacher Joke

pfunk — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 15:58:00 +0000

Thanks to IRONTHOR1202 for this Tiger Woods joke…good stuff! Enjoy:

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today.”

Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart and will answer the question.”

Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”

Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”

Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”

Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!”

The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”

Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”

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User-submitted Tiger Woods Jokes Round 4

pfunk — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 18:13:34 +0000

Thanks to the following users for submitting jokes about Tiger:

Jeremy went to a game store looking for Grand Theft Auto:
I just went to jb hifi looking for the game Grand Theft Auto, the lady asked me to describe it to her, i said its about a “dark” guy driving around with an iron bar, crashing cars, rooting whores and evading the police… she gaves me Tiger Woods 2010.

The Dice Man makes a “guest” appearance:
Eeney Meany Miney Moe! Tiger got caught f*cking a bunch of hoes!…..Ohhh!

April sent this confusing joke in:
I married a Tiger. ”I came, I saw, I kicked his ass.” New spin on Bill Murray.

John thinks Tiger should take on new sponsorships:
Tiger is taking on new sponsorships that fit into his image…..”Big Daddy Bush-Whacker.”

User-submitted Tiger Woods Jokes Round 3

pfunk — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:13:05 +0000

Thanks to the following people for sending in the following Tiger Woods jokes:

Spencer rented a movie about Tiger:
I rented a movie about Tiger Woods called “My Favorite 18 Holes.” It turns out it’s actualy about golf.

Tim knows why Tiger agreed to play the Master’s:
Tiger Woods agreed to play the Master’s after negotiating the “cheerleaders on every fairway” clause.

Chuck says Tiger will play the same hole when he returns:
In light of his recent stint in sex addiction rehab, when Tiger returns he will only pay the same hole over and over.

R tells the joke of a caddy finding Tiger’s golf ball:
A caddy found a golf ball at the end of the fairway that he claimed belonged to Tiger Woods because it had a picture of his mistress on it. When questioned about it, Tiger looked at the ball with the picture and replied, “Yeah, I hit that.”

Tiger Changes the Traditional Golf Warning Joke

pfunk — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:47:35 +0000

Thanks to Mr. V for sending the below joke to us. Also, people…please stop sending in the Tiger Woods and Santa Claus joke…We’ve ALL heard it!!! On to Mr. V’s joke:

Tiger Woods is returning to the links, he’ll play at The Masters.

I can just see it now: every time he tees off the gallery will shout out an update on that traditional golf warning: “Whore…”

Tiger Woods Joke: Difference between car and a golf ball?

Tiger Woods / James Blunt Parody

pfunk — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:43:05 +0000

Thanks to Todd Chappelle for sending us this parody video/song he made about Tiger Woods. It’s to the tune of a James Blunt song, but can you guess which one? Funny stuff!

Tiger Woods Christmas Song Parody

Tiger Woods Sponsorships – User-Submitted Joke

pfunk — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:36:51 +0000

The following joke about Tiger Woods and his sponsors was submitted by Doug M.:

Gatorade® recently terminated it’s Sponsorship Agreement with Tiger Woods along with dropping the slogan, “Is it in you?™” Nike® will keep Tiger as a spokesman and continue with the motto, “Just do it.™”